Dear Santa Claus Part III

Dear Santa,

This last letter to you has come under the most difficult circumstances. As you're no doubt aware, my last two letters to you have met with scorn and derision from certain family members. These same people for some reason seem to equate piety with short letters to Santa Claus. Apparently not aware of how good I've been this year,* they've labeled me as having "Cadillac Tastes" and high priced appetites. "We can't afford what you want" they say, as though that means I shouldn't want certain things (or so many) just because they're expensive and numerous.

Such criticisms are not only hurtful, but also seem to deny the very existence of Santa Claus! (I hope that hasn't gone unnoticed up at the North Pole.) Their criticisms furthermore appear to be a bit dishonest too, since they take only the most narrow construction of the word "afford." You and I both know, Santa, that these same people certainly have lines of credit available to them to borrow against, homes that can be refinanced, and weight benches (or libraries of books) that can be sold if they approached my wish lists with an open mind. Certainly my lists don't exceed their means in these respects!

If they had any idea how good I've been this year, too, as you surely do Santa, they'd be racing to meet that wish list. After all, what better way to show the world the value of being good than by rewarding one of Santa's best by giving him everything on his list (and everything on a long list at that). This is, after all, supposed to be a season of giving. For some reason, these most obvious points escape some in my family.

But I remain undeterred, so here's the rest of my Christmas Wish List:

• A Navy Blue BYU Sweatshirt: Now that I'm a size XL, instead of a XXL, I have renewed interest in a navy blue BYU sweatshirt with a small embroidered logo over the left chest.
• A New Laptop: I'm still hoping to get my money back from the laptop debacle of a few months ago, but I wouldn't mind getting a brand new laptop in the meantime. Make sure it has at least a 60 gig hard drive and a 512 RAM.
• Xbox 360 (Premium): They're in limited supply this Holiday season, and there really aren't any good release games, but it'd still be nice to have one of them around.
• WebCams for all the Clarks: Since my parents emerged from the stone age a short while ago with a DSL connection, it'd be nice if we all had webcams to enable video messaging. Now if we could just get my brother Nathan a faster home connection.
• A Milkshake Contest Victory: Actually, I might just settle for some kind of assurances this year that all participants would keep the rules. I can probably handle the rest myself.
• New Scriptures: Reading D&C 64 the other day, two pages were stuck together and tore when I tried to gently separate them. So I need some new leather scriptures.
• Gamer's Chairs: They've got new chairs these days for people to sit in to play video games. I'd like a couple of them.
• April 2005 Conference CDs: I just got October 2005's, but am still missing April's.
• A Christmas CD or Two: I'm always looking to add quality Christmas music to my collection--not just Christmas music for Christmas music's sake. I suspect that's how so many people end up with Michael McClean or Kurt Bestor Christmas CDs, and I'd like to avoid that level of music entirely.
• His Excellency: George Washington, by Joseph Ellis: The hardcover edition is preferred.
• Digital Video Camera: We're looking to upgrade our current video camera, which still requires tapes. I've heard there are even digital video cameras with hard drives on them now.
• Printer, Fax, Copier, Scanner: In visiting my father-in-law here in Mesa, AZ I've found that he has a fine HP 4 in 1 that even has a small LCD screen and slots for all sorts of memory cards. It's a delightful machine, which he got for $400. For $500 it comes with a wireless receiver--so naturally that's the one I want.
• New Digital Camera: Our current digital camera has served us well, but more and more I'm finding that the slow flash time robs us of many, many good shots. For our next one, I'd love one that takes pictures at at least 5 mega pixels, with a much shorter flash time and generally faster shutter speed. Spare no expense on this one.
• A Newspaper Subscription: I'd probably like the OC Register, and would even be contented just to have the Friday, Saturday, Sunday paper.

Again, Santa, thanks for taking the time to read this letter and fill every single item on my lists. I'll make sure only the finest cookies are left on the mantle on Christmas Eve for you, and I may even be able to arrange for a glass of whole milk to be left as well.

Yours as ever,
Aaron

*A source, speaking on condition of anonymity, informed me that I've actually made "Santa's Top Five Good Boys List" this year.