This afternoon was excruciating. It was one of those tedious days at work today where one wonders whether someone has intentionally slowed time: it seemed hours between 3 and 3:12 p.m., which meant days before 5. (How people do this their entire lives is beyond me).
After a hard day's work, I'd hoped to find comfort at home, but there was none. Instead, Michelle nearly sent me over the edge when I found her rifling the Halloween candy look for stuff to get rid of.
Yeah, the Halloween candy. We kind of set a new record in our home by actually managing to save some candy from Halloween (to my knowledge, the previous record for candy survival is November 3rd). I'd been storing it with some left over Christmas and Valentine's candy in our food storage to nibble on when hunger struck. It's true, I hadn't raided the stash in awhile, but I'd grown fond of it.
So perhaps you can feel the anger along with me when Michelle summarily decided she needed to get rid of it. Smarties, Neccos, Tootsie Roll Pops, jaw breakers, Laffy Taffy, Starbursts, peppermint candies--in her mind it all needed to go.
"Why?" I asked in disbelief and righteous indignation. At first Michelle said she wanted to box back they were being stored in, but abandoned that excuse as quickly as I pointed out we had 10 more boxes waiting to be used.
Then a second reason--she thought the candy was getting too old.
But this was an excuse I just couldn't abide. Never mind that Michelle was disregarding the prophets counsel to have a year's supply of candy, I've never seen candy get "too old." (There's a reason it has no expiration date!)
I think this is the real reason: I think I'm married to a candy snob--someone who can't abide the thought of eating last year's candy this year. (Plus I know that she hates Neccos--a prejudice she's carried with her most of her life).
I managed to save the Tootsie Roll Pops using all of my powers of persuasion, but there were still casualties. She bagged the rest of the candy and put in the trash. There was no dignity in what she did.
When she left the room to lay down, I tried to sneak in and save the candy (to hide it somewhere safe), but the woman knew my thoughts! She caught me in the act of salvaging the poor defenseless candy from the garbage can. It was indeed too late.
I am in mourning.
*There are legends of candy surviving long enough once while I was on my mission that there were still chocolate candy bars left to us as packaging for my Christmas gifts. That chocolate bars were used for packing it was true, but I was never able to substantiate that they were the result of trick-or-treating efforts and not just post Halloween 1/2 price candy sales.
5 comments:
The longest I have known candy to survive is in my parent's house. They had a supply of pineapple, cherry, and lemon drops that they had purchased back in 1975. Kid you not, the candy was older than my humble 27 years of life. They are now regarded as sacred family heirlooms.
We're still trying to get rid of our Halloween candy, too. The difference is that I wouldn't really mind if someone threw it in the trash. It's all lousy Tootsie Pops and Jolly Ranchers--candy that, while it will never go bad, no one wants to eat.
Send it over here. You can never have too many Tootsie Pops or Jolly Ranchers
OK. I threw the candy away because it was the nasty stuff that nobody had been eating for months on end (does anyone actually enjoy Necco wafers?). What Aaron didn't tell you was that I set aside things like mint kisses, other chocolates and tootsie pops (per his request). Sheesh....no respect.
By the way Ethan, we have a huge barber pole Aaron has been saving since some Christmas 10+ years ago. We've willed it to Jared.
You wouldn't want it. All the grape Jolly Ranchers (the only palatable flavor) were eaten in November.
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