Below are the first ten of my Top 21 All Time Donut/Pastry Experiences. I fear the post might not endear me to anyone, but instead to anyone looking for it, it will give all the more reason to think that I need counseling. They might be right. To most of the rest of you, having known me you probably made that determination some time ago…and yet here you are. You either are amused by my madness or at least curious to see how deeply it runs. With that, I proceed with the rankings.
Donut/Pastry Ranking Criteria: The list takes as its guide four separate criteria, each of which have relatively equal weight.
Taste: The better tasting the pastry, the higher it will score in this category.
Cost of the Donut: This item doesn’t necessarily follow conventional wisdom. Normally the cheaper the donut the higher it’s likely to rank in this category. If the donut was free, however, and expected to be free, the price might get taken for granted and be ranked only slightly higher than the pastries I’ve paid an arm and a leg for. Additionally, the “cost” of the donut will sometimes include the sacrifice and effort required to enjoy them, and in these instances the greater the sacrifice, the higher I’m inclined to rank them. So, for instance, the donuts from my early morning seminary class were not “free” because I had to show up to seminary (at 5:30am no less) to enjoy them. These kinds of sacrifices will often add more value to the pastry and rank it higher in this category. (Please do not ask me to explain why a donut will be ranked lower if I had to pay more money for it, but higher if I had to sacrifice other non-monetary things like time and sleep. On one level it makes no sense, but on another it makes perfect sense. It’s on the latter level that my mind works in relation to pastries, and I’m powerless to try and change that).
Importance of the Experience or Event the Pastry Is Linked To: Quite simply, the more important or memorable the event was to me that the pastry is linked to, the higher it will rank in this category. Importance doesn’t necessarily mean “important.” Instead I think it means the profoundness of the memory it created in my consciousness.
The Pastry’s Effect on the Experience: Somewhat linked to the last category, this category ranks pastries according to their impact on the fondness of my memory of the experience or event. The more the pastry enhanced the experience, the higher it will rank in this category.
One other preliminary matter: This list for the most part concerns only donuts and other pastries that struck me as being donut-like. This will not include most cookies, cakes, pies, or brownies. Otherwise, I fear brownies and cookies might dominate the list. I’ll have to rank them another time. There are exceptions, but hopefully those exceptions make intuitive sense.
Here we go:
21. Dandy Donuts—Early Morning Seminary (Early 90s): These donuts came at a great price in those cold early mornings in upstate New York. Where I lived, seminary started at 5:30am, and I spent my first three years resisting it. Oh I went, but I did everything I could to be uncooperative and sarcastic (I remember well my first Seminary Report Card: “Caustic Remarks and Unresponsive Answers May Affect Grade.”). The year we studied the Doctrine & Covenants, though, the teacher brought donuts every Friday from Dandy Donuts. They were never the best tasting donuts (in fact, I found in February that they’re now out of business—I lowered my hat and bowed my head as we passed), but at times they were the one solace for a young man otherwise determined to make sure he didn’t enjoy early morning seminary.
20. Butternut Donuts—Dunkin’ Donuts (2003-2005): When we returned to Cambridge, MA for my 2nd year of law school, I was delighted to find a Dunkin’ Donuts/Baskin Robbins opened up not far from our apartment on my way to school. It soon became one of the great tests of my law school experience, however, as I had to brave my journeys to and from school each day without stopping in too frequently for a few treats. Evenso, I became a bit too fond of their butternut donuts, and soon noticed as I passed the store each morning and afternoon that I always looked through the store window to see how many butternut donuts they had for sale (Sometimes I even swore I could tell how many they had when we were driving past—sad, but true). They rank lower on this list, though, because everything was overpriced in that store, the donuts always soaked in a coffee smell, were sometimes stale from sitting out all day, and because more often than not their credit card machine wasn’t working—once costing a friend some ice cream because I had no cash and had to borrow money.
19. Dunkin Donuts on Thruway Stops to the Hill Cumorah Pageant (mid 90s): I remember distinctly one particular 2 hour drive to the Hill Cumorah Pageant in Palmyra, New York with some friends. Far more than I was looking forward to the pageant, however, which I had seen several times, were the donuts I would get on the Thruway Stop (Stops along the pay toll highway that runs through the middle of New York State). It was one of many such trips. The price of the donuts was inflated with Thruway Stop price gouging, but they still were what made the trip worthwhile. I just wish they had tasted as good as I had envisioned when we started the trip. Somehow I always fooled myself into believing they’d be better than they turned out to be—not that I’m complaining.
18. Cochinitos-Pan Dulce (“Sweet Bread”), Olivehurst, CA (1997): Olivehurst was part of the first area I was sent to as a missionary in Northern CA. It’s claim to fame is that it has (or had at the time) the highest per capita rate of ex convicts in the United States. That always made tracting interesting. At any rate, during those difficult first few months, one pleasant memory was discovering “pan dulce” at a small Mexican bakery in Olivehurst, particularly the “cochinitos” pastries, slightly more bland than gingerbread, in the shape of pigs. With milk they were delightful. They lose points, however, because the store owner was impatient and a little rude when I tried to speak to him in Spanish.
17. Nice & Easy Donut for July 4th Twilight Zone Marathon (Early 90s): This was one of the more memorable experiences from my youth. Given what little pleasures there were to be had in Upstate New York, I looked forward with eager anticipation to New Years Eve and July 4th for the Twilight Zone Marathon: Endless hours of the old black and white Twilight Zone episodes long into the night and the next morning. The longer we were able to stay up and “beat the Sandman” the prouder we felt. For one particular Marathon, a friend of mine was sleeping over, and sometime after midnight we decided to make a run to Nice & Easy, a nearby convenient store, for some donuts and chocolate milk. The donuts we got were the stale kind, probably put there the morning before by some local bakery, which about 12 hours previous had outlived their usefulness. I wasn’t hard to please, though. The one particular donut I remember had chocolate frosting, with sprinkles, and a whip cream like filling. It was also quite stale. As I was eating this stale donut back at home, my Mom came down stairs (who always thought we should go to bed), probably somewhat alarmed that we were still up watching the Marathon and that we additionally were eating stale donuts and drinking chocolate milk. With the lateness of the hour working like laughing gas on young teenagers already disposed to silliness, we found it hysterical to think my mother at that moment an ally of the Sandman, and the stale donut his poisonous attempt to make us go to bed. I don’t expect you to understand, but it nonetheless ranks #16 on my list.
16. Scones & Honey Butter (Oroville, 1997): I spent my first Christmas morning as a missionary in Oroville, CA opening presents with the rest of the missionaries in the area at a nearby chapel. Imagine our surprise when my companion and I sat down and found that the AP’s (Assistants to the Mission President) had hidden unknown Christmas Packages from family and friends in the baptismal font! Merry Christmas Indeed! What added to the joy of the morning was that one of my best friends from Upstate New York not only happened to be in the same mission I was in, but also in the same area, so we were together that morning. We also were treated to some delicious Scones with Honey Butter by Sister Hardy after opening presents—unexpectedly delicious treats that surely hastened my gaining 50 lbs the first 18 months of my mission (then taking them off in the last 6).
15. Thanksgiving Morning Coffee Cake (2003): Michelle was 8 months pregnant for this Thanksgiving, and we had the company of a good friend in our 1 bedroom apartment in Cambridge, MA. Even with the unpleasantries of being great with child, Michelle was still determined to make a feast worthy of kings—and that’s just what she did. Among her delectable treats from the morning (to say nothing of what followed for the actual dinner) was a wonderful coffee cake (Yes, yes, this has the word “cake” in it, so perhaps it shouldn’t count. It strikes me as something akin to a donut, though, given when it’s normally eaten, so it counts. Again, I’m just feeling these things out as I go along, and who am I to deny my feelings?). To give you an idea of how good this coffee cake was, I had bought a dozen donuts earlier that morning from the “over-priced, credit card machine doesn’t work” Dunkin Donuts. Despite overstuffing myself with those donuts, I still couldn’t stop eating a ½ slice here and there of that coffee cake. It was that good.
14. Hot Krispy Kreme in Mesa, AZ (2001): When I got to BYU in 1999, there were rumors and whispers of a donut franchise called “Krispy Kreme” with hot glazed donuts so good that people would drive from Provo to Las Vegas just to buy a box. Naturally I was intrigued, but it would be years before Krispy Kreme would come to Orem, UT. I got my first taste of Krispy Kreme donuts in Mesa, AZ in 2001 after getting married and spending some time with my Father in law. There we saw through the glass windows as the donuts were fried and glazed. We even got a free sample donut as well before buying a dozen to take home. The Hot Glazed donut was a novel and enjoyable, but I was somewhat underwhelmed by everything else they had to offer. Oh, I talked up Krispy Kreme donuts for a time afterwards and even considered waiting overnight for the opening of the Orem store some time later, but those words and feelings were more aspirational than a reflection of how good they actually were. Now? I’ll take a Hot Krispy Kreme Glazed Donut when I can get my hands on one, but I’ll rarely go out of my way for one. Nothing else they sell is really worth what they’ll charge you. (And no donut, I repeat NO donut, certainly not a Krispy Kreme, is worth a 12 hour round trip—a 4 hour round trip, maybe, but not 12, and not for Krispy Kremes).
13. Plain Cake Donuts for Halloween in Oswego, NY (Early 80s): Except for one or two instances, my earliest memories are from Oswego, NY (We moved from there after kindergarten). One memory in particular is of the plain cake donuts and cider we got to have one Halloween. While other kids were out trick-or-treating, we were inside bobbing for apples and eating donuts (for reasons worthy of another post, my Dad wouldn’t let us go trick or treating until my Mom prevailed upon him when I was in first grade). The donuts were plain, but were all I needed back then to make the evening memorable enough that I recall it more than 20 years later.
12. Holland Farms Cinnamon Rolls (Freshman Year of College & After Mission): I spent my freshman year of college at Utica College of Syracuse University, a college about 15 miles from my then home. It was while there that I finally ventured into Holland Farms, the delightful little bakery with the two fake cow heads on their sign (We passed it all the time on the way to the Utica Stake Center, but never ventured inside). One of the bakery’s many enchantments is their cinnamon roll. With icing of near perfect consistency that was always just crusted over, I fell further under the spell with each cinnamon roll I ate. Of course when you get the icing right on a cinnamon roll, it almost doesn’t matter what the roll itself tastes like.
My Top 11 Experiences to follow tomorrow.
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