I've discovered the secret to exercise and weight loss. It will soon be revealed to the world in a hard cover book, value priced at $19.95, complete with meal planner, easy to follow recipes, and a picture of me on the cover showing off my bulging biceps.
But to those faithful readers who still bother to check this blog -- even though it's been weeks since I've had a decent post -- I'll sum it up for you for free:
The stick often works better than the carrot on lazy people -- at least initially. Indeed, don't be afraid to use a big stick.
Take me, for instance. I've been in a rut for weeks (some might say months) where exercise has been difficult and good eating near impossible. I mostly blame Michelle.*
I've tried incentives, and at one point even small sticks. For instance, Michelle and I both agreed that if we ate sugar during the week, the offending spouse would have to withdraw $5 from his/her personal account and place it in the other's. This worked fine until we realized that if we both cheated at the same time we effectively got to have our sweets and neither had to give up anything. Obviously we can't have the penalty money going to each other.
So it was time to bring out a bigger stick. Now, if I cheat and eat sugar I have to put $50 in my children's 529 college saving's fund -- which means I'll never see it again. I've also made the same threats against myself (always in writing and always sent to Michelle) when I need a little extra motivation to exercise in the evening. And of course, it works.
Now some of you might not have $50, so feel free to use whatever is precious to you. It needs to be precious enough that it'll be painful if you fail, and make sure someone is there who is willing to punish you when you do (Michelle has only been all too eager). You'll be amazed at what you can accomplish when someone effectivley has a whip at your back, ready to lash you at the first sign of failure.
Obviously I don't want to jinx things, but I think you're looking at the next best seller.
*Required Disclaimer (as the pressure eases on the strangle hold around my neck): I'm kidding folks. Definitely kidding. Mostly.
Monday, March 26, 2007
Thursday, March 15, 2007
Help Solve a Crime
I came home this evening to find a type-written note at our door. Apparently, our apartment/condo complex's beloved advertising blimp is missing. The situation is grave, indeed, and someone in management really isn't happy about it. So they've crafted a letter offering both a carrot and a stick (though mostly a stick) to the residents of the complex -- which is no doubt intended to induce shame and guilt in even the most innocent tenants (which we are). Sadly, it's mostly made me giggle (though I feel guilty about the giggling).
Perhaps you can help solve the crime.
"Subject: Blimp vandalism, $500 reward for information
Last night the blimp that we use for advertising above the property [and what a blimp it was!] was cut from its securing lines, thus allowing it to float away in a totally uncontrolled manner. This act of criminal vandalism resulted in a loss exceeding $7,000.00 and is a felony. In additions, the person(s) responsible for this act created a significant safety hazard to aircraft in the area as the blimp was allowed to freely float in the airspace used by commercial and private aircraft en route to Montgomery, Gillespie and Lindbergh airports. Further, at such time as the blimp descends from flight, there is no way to know where it may land, placing persons and property on the ground at risk.
We have notified the San Diego and La Mesa Police Departments as well as the Federal Aviation Administration of the situation and all agencies are taking this action very seriously. Formal investigations are being commenced by these agencies and we anticipate residents will be contacted during the investigation. We ask that you cooperate fully with any representatives of these agencies in their investigations and supply any information you may have as to suspicious activity or personal witnessing of the destructive action relation to the blimp by any party. Additionally, we are offering a reward in the amount of $500 to anyone who provides us with information leading to the arrest and conviction of the person(s) responsible for this irresponsible and reckless act.
In the course of our operation of the blimp we took specific precautions against accidental loss by adding extra securing lines and metal reinforcement to the primary cable in order to avoid potential for injury or damage. For someone to have cut the steel-reinforced line, a premeditated and planned action against the welfare of people both on and off the property was committed. We ask that if contacted, you assist law enforcement with their investigation and efforts to identify and ultimately apprehend the responsible party.
Please contact us in the [...] management office at [...] with any information you may be able to provide and we will insure that the proper authorities are notified. Thank you for any assistance you can provide in this matter."
Perhaps you can help solve the crime.
"Subject: Blimp vandalism, $500 reward for information
Last night the blimp that we use for advertising above the property [and what a blimp it was!] was cut from its securing lines, thus allowing it to float away in a totally uncontrolled manner. This act of criminal vandalism resulted in a loss exceeding $7,000.00 and is a felony. In additions, the person(s) responsible for this act created a significant safety hazard to aircraft in the area as the blimp was allowed to freely float in the airspace used by commercial and private aircraft en route to Montgomery, Gillespie and Lindbergh airports. Further, at such time as the blimp descends from flight, there is no way to know where it may land, placing persons and property on the ground at risk.
We have notified the San Diego and La Mesa Police Departments as well as the Federal Aviation Administration of the situation and all agencies are taking this action very seriously. Formal investigations are being commenced by these agencies and we anticipate residents will be contacted during the investigation. We ask that you cooperate fully with any representatives of these agencies in their investigations and supply any information you may have as to suspicious activity or personal witnessing of the destructive action relation to the blimp by any party. Additionally, we are offering a reward in the amount of $500 to anyone who provides us with information leading to the arrest and conviction of the person(s) responsible for this irresponsible and reckless act.
In the course of our operation of the blimp we took specific precautions against accidental loss by adding extra securing lines and metal reinforcement to the primary cable in order to avoid potential for injury or damage. For someone to have cut the steel-reinforced line, a premeditated and planned action against the welfare of people both on and off the property was committed. We ask that if contacted, you assist law enforcement with their investigation and efforts to identify and ultimately apprehend the responsible party.
Please contact us in the [...] management office at [...] with any information you may be able to provide and we will insure that the proper authorities are notified. Thank you for any assistance you can provide in this matter."
Monday, March 05, 2007
Buffalo Chicken Blues
Perhaps you're not as easily taken in as I am, but then I'm not usually a sucker for hamburger commercials.
I found I could not resist, however, Carl's Jr.'s latest creation -- the Buffalo Chicken Sandwich. I wasn't fond of the commercial, mind you, but the sandwich seemed to offer a piece of the halcyon days of my youth, when a perfect weekend required little more than a good video game, a pizza, 50 wings, and a bottle or two of orange soda.*
My interest in the sandwich worked itself into a frenzy over the weekend when we got a coupon in the mail for a "buy one get one free."
Alas, what a tragic disappointment. One might have easily mistaken it for a McChicken sandwich drenched in Frank's Hot sauce. Yet at the same time they have so little confidence in their sauce and in the sandwich, that they feel the need to slather one side with a forgettable ranch sauce. The result is a dismal mess -- and not the kind of appetizing mess they'd lead you to believe.
So, learn to be wiser than I have been. Stay away from the Buffalo Chicken Sandwich at Carl's Jr. Stick with the pizza and wings.
*I grew up in a world where it was near unthinkable to order a pizza without an order of 50 or so chicken wings. The only question was how hot you wanted them. It was a simpler time.
I found I could not resist, however, Carl's Jr.'s latest creation -- the Buffalo Chicken Sandwich. I wasn't fond of the commercial, mind you, but the sandwich seemed to offer a piece of the halcyon days of my youth, when a perfect weekend required little more than a good video game, a pizza, 50 wings, and a bottle or two of orange soda.*
My interest in the sandwich worked itself into a frenzy over the weekend when we got a coupon in the mail for a "buy one get one free."
Alas, what a tragic disappointment. One might have easily mistaken it for a McChicken sandwich drenched in Frank's Hot sauce. Yet at the same time they have so little confidence in their sauce and in the sandwich, that they feel the need to slather one side with a forgettable ranch sauce. The result is a dismal mess -- and not the kind of appetizing mess they'd lead you to believe.
So, learn to be wiser than I have been. Stay away from the Buffalo Chicken Sandwich at Carl's Jr. Stick with the pizza and wings.
*I grew up in a world where it was near unthinkable to order a pizza without an order of 50 or so chicken wings. The only question was how hot you wanted them. It was a simpler time.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)